The Jester's Tale
by Random Time Person
Summary: The Doctor thought he was the only one left, the last of his kind and you can blame him? So did the universe. But what if the universe was wrong? This is the story of the Time Lord that time and indeed, the universe. forgot. He calls himself the Jester and he, along with his companion might, just might hold the key to saving the universe. (Rated T for possible themes later)
1. The Other Time Lord

'But...' the young man began to protest, his nose was thick with frost and he gradually grew steadily more impatient as he was towered over by the man who held his fate in the palm of his hand.

'I'm sorry mate' said Dave in his rather fat covered McDonald's uniform as he passed out burgers to customers who, from the looks of sustained dissatisfaction on their face had been waiting far too long, of course Marcus had been clock watching and it had been a full ten minutes since he had walked in the restaurant. 'We've got nothing for you' Dave continued, 'I know its difficult given your...' he paused for a moment while he deliberated on the most sensitive word he could use. 'Problems' he said almost apologetically, Once you've sorted yourself out then maybe we can talk about a job then, yeah?

Marcus wasn't looking at him. 'I thought we we friends' he said.

'We are!' Dave said with mock enthusiasm and spread his arms out in a wide motion to demonstrate the fact. 'It's just well… This job is important to me, see? I'm two weeks of pay cheques away from being able to buy Michelle that ring I told her I would get, remember?

Marcus looked around the interior of a McDonald's restaurant. He saw the bright lime green coloured couches people sat on, the mountains of food that was stacked behind the counter and that the dazzling lights that, he was sure would too bright even for the most hawkish of humans. He observed children running around ignoring the rules of their parents and grew sorrowful. He wasn't interested in Dave's life story or his petty squabbles with his girlfriend who, by the accounts of everyone in the village was a bit of a whore he just wanted a job or failing that a meal of some kind to tide him over until the morning.

'Whatever' he turned his back to the counter and waved his hand to gesture he was leaving. He pushed open the door with the ferocity of somebody trying to escape a bank robbery though it wasn't intended and humour of the silent but neutral apology to the woman whose sake had nearly coming to brisk contact with the door. The cold hit him again and he flinched, he couldn't go on like this he had to be somewhere, anywhere will do just as long as it's not out in the British winter on New Year's Eve or with that monster of a family at number 22,

Walking through the lane Marcus caught a glimpse of himself in a puddle. Even for an orphan he had let himself go, his hair was slipped back with grease, he still had the mud marks from when kids from the local grammar school had caught him on the way back from lunch and thought it fit to push him into the farmer's field, his woollen cardigan decorated with green wool Christmas trees had already been ripped and tattered by the weather or, more frequently by people who just wanted a fight.

He made his home for the night the doorway of the French bakery. He resisted the urge to weep as he could smell the bread and cakes through the window, he instead chose to the street in front of him at the dazzling display of multicoloured Christmas lights decorating the town Christmas tree. He paid particular attention to the choir, some of whom he had known as children. A few made brief eye contact with him but soon returned to singing the Christmas Carol with wide, theatrical smiles in front of the crowd. Cursing under his breath Marcus opted to the only other pastime he had. He reached into his pocket and took out a copy of a worn, small purple leather book, he blew the dust that had accumulated from his pocket off of the book and took great pleasure in reading the title to himself

'The Jester's Almanac: A Consorted Compendium of Creatures, from Appalapachia to Zeophon 9.' Smiling in an almost childlike manner Marcus began flicking through the pages at a great pace trying to find the pictures of his favourite monsters. The Cybermen, humanoid like creatures with an actual working human brain, the Weeping Angels, stone angel statues that only move when you're not looking at them but if they catch you they will kill you in grotesque ways. But perhaps his favourite and those he imagined would be the most evil of all were the Daleks. Multicoloured circular shells with an eye stork protruding out of the top of the head, Marcus thought that these looked the best of the drawings but he couldn't help notice the markings below the drawings of the creatures he had looked at. Below the Angels and the metal men was the word 'WARNING' and a little red cross next to their picture, but oddest of all next to the picture of the Daleks with three words written in big, bold black ink underneath the picture. 'NEVER, EVER, AGAIN.'

As Marcus looked up at the snow drifting down onto the pavement, he wondered yet again what he seemed to wonder every night, 'Just what is this book' he muttered slowly to himself as he was comforted by the sound of the very same choir singing the very same version of Silent Night he had heard a few minutes before 'Those old fogies must really like that carol' he said to no one in particular. He always spoke to the sky when he was speaking to himself. It appeared to Marcus, perhaps more in delusional hope than anything else that someone was listening to him at least that's what he imagined the twinkling to be.

'If you can hear me, Sky People.' He began 'I don't normally do New Year's wishes but to be honest with you and getting pretty fed up of a living right about now. If you could see it in your infinite sky people wisdom to get me out of my little big mess I would be most grateful, and who knows maybe in a couple of months be able to get you a job at McDonald's.' He chuckled and his own remark, he wasn't even sure why he still called them sky people, he knew there was no such thing though he once believe there was. Mr and Mrs Gray soon put pay to that. Sure, Marcus enjoyed looking at the book but only in his prayers did he let his imagination stretch to the possibility that they could be real. Having exhausted all of the few leisure activities Marcus had to him he put his head on the concrete and began to close his eyes, or at least he would have done if the mobile phone he had carried around in his pocket didn't blare off a calypso soundtrack, he looked at the number and cursed.

'What?' Marcus muttered.

'Don't you dare 'what' me!' Came the shrill, haggard voice of Mrs Gray. Its scratch that Marcus ears like a nail on a blackboard. 'Where are you?' She moaned

'Out'

'What do you mean out? Trying to find a job no doubt, as if anyone is going to employ you'

Marcus felt blood in his ears 'I'm qualified'

'Oh! Look at me mister 'I went to school and got a noting piece of paper! Trying to rub it in?

'No'

'Come home now or we'll come to get you'

'No'

The phone equipped and Mrs Gray's voice went silent. Marcus again tried to rest his head but was woken up by a loud horn. 'They couldn't have got here that fast' he said groggily, but before he could utter another word Mrs Gray was standing in front of him.

'I told you to come home' she growled. 'And what have I told you about that book?'

'How did you…'

Give it to me!

Marcus did his best to push her away but found that her body was suddenly rock solid.

'Give me the book! Mrs Gray crossed her hand round Marcus neck, as she did so he could see her skin fizz away to reveal a bumpy rock like surface and glowing yellow eyes that had so much malice within them Marcus felt like crying, or at least he would have done if the blasted mobile phone he had in his hand didn't blare out that same calypso tune that irritated him so, he looked at the number.

'0000000000' he thought to himself as he could feel his face turning blue and the area being drained from him, must drink whatever energy he had left he brought the phone to his ear and pressed the green button.

'H-H-Hello' Marcus choked

'Oh Good!' Said a young, bright cheerful voice. 'I've got you!… Be there in a tick' the voice chirped before giving a loud clown like giggle.

'What?' Marcus breathed, just about managing to converse without collapsing in a heap.

'Die!' roared to the now Gollum Mrs Gray

'I see you have a problem there' the voice on the phone said, now slightly more serious than before. I'll be there soon... Yes, yes got a lock on you now. Oh! I'm The Jester by the way… And you have my book.'

Marcus slowly pushed the red button on the phone and as soon as he did so something quite miraculous began to happen. Right behind the giant rock creature they began to materialise an object. At first Marcus couldn't make out what it was but slowly and surely, in a golden brilliance of light the object revealed itself. This caused Mrs Gray to drop Marcus and cover her eyes, blinded by the energy it omitted. Marcus scrambled back up the wall holding his neck as the colour slowly began to return to his face. The object opened and out stepped a man who, because of the brightness of the light which still radiated around the object, neither the object nor the man were quite yet visible to Marcus. What he did see however was the man with a weapon, a guns of some kind and that the rock creature in the chest. It flew backwards, which Marcus thought was odd for its size and hit the wall with a thud and a crack.

That's a...a...a tent? Marcus finally said confused as the man stepped out of the tent and approached the Gollum

He was the oddest dressed man Marcus had ever seen. He wore a turquoise shirt with a pearl necklace adorned about his neck, a red, yellow and turquoise patchwork jacket and a pair of brown suit trousers with blue leather shoes. His hair was white and his eyes ice blue. Marcus couldn't work out if he was old or young but right now that didn't bother him after all, his foster mother had turned into a rock creature that tried to kill him which, do you think would be the worst problem?

'You' the man began talking to the Gollum in a tone a mother might reserve for a child. 'Have been very bad, just look at all the damages caused and this poor boy' he turned to Marcus 'Scared him half to death...literally. He pulled out a juggling ball from his pocket and threw it at Mrs Gray. As the ball travelled through the air it sped up and began to shine with the same brilliant energy the tent did. When it hit the monster it gave a ferocious painful yell.

'Regeneration Energy Balls' the Jester said to Marcus,'Useful things.'

'You live in a tent?' Marcus replied

'Bloody Humans!' The Jester said in a statement of genuine surprise, 'I show you a fantastic piece of kit and all you seem to be worried about is my fixed address!' He continued to throw the regeneration energy balls and the monster and it continued to scream and yell and fight the onslaught until, with a loud crack and a sprinkle of dust the Gollum vanished.

Marcus fell to his knees and crossed himself, the Jester eyed him curiously. 'You're a Christian? He asked.

'Don't be alarmed' Marcus said, 'I ain't no God botherer.'

The Jester gave a hearty laugh. 'Wouldn't bother me if you were' said the Jester smiling 'I like Christians, with the gold and the incense and-

'I'm Anglican' Marcus interrupted.

'Oh, how plain.' He clapped his hands almost like a seal. 'Now then' he said 'The book.'

'Hang on!' Marcus stamped his foot. 'Before we do anything you're going to answer a few of my questions'

'Here we go' muttered the Jester rolling his eyes.

'Who are you?

'I'm the Jester, I'm a Time Lord'

Marcus blinked. 'Like the ones in the book?'

'MY book.' Corrected the Jester, wagging his finger. 'I can travel through time and space in my TARDIS or 'Time and relative dimension in space, or as you like to call it 'The Tent'

Marcus enquired further 'And what about those shiny balls'

The Jester gave a schoolboy giggle before clearing his throat to correct himself. 'Marvellous things these, marvellous! Regeneration energy balls, invented them myself good tools, only they drain my life force when I use them but at present they are the only weapon I have.

'And what is the book for?' Marcus said growing more excited like a child at Christmas.

'That my good man' the Jester said opening the door 'you'll have to find out.

'How?'

'To quote someone I knew once 'I don't know how, I only know who' he pulled out a key from his pocket and handed it to Marcus.

'I get to go with you? He said with a mixture of childlike enthusiasm and an adult sense of danger.

You do! The Jester clapped his hands again 'I need to find a certain man and I need your help'

'Mine?' Marcus said standing in front of the open TARDIS door.

'Yep!' Said the Jester, laughing and dancing wildly as he shoved Marcus into the TARDIS. 'I know all about you Marcus Gabriel Garret, and we're going an adventure!'

Before Marcus had time to question how the Jester knew his name for what the hell was going on, the Time Lord barged past him and pulled the big red lever, and with a whirl and a swirl and a gurgle, the TARDIS dematerialised.

**Thank you so much for reading, won't pressure for reveiws just happy you took the time to read, any comments welcome, if liked will do more! thanks!**


	2. In the Tent TARDIS

'Ouch!' Marcus yelped, rubbing his backside as he sat in a disgruntled heap on the floor. 'You idiot!' Marcus said, turning towards Jester with a look of annoyance on his face 'you could have been a little nicer about letting me in, I wanted to come with you, remember?'

'You haven't looked yet' this Jester nonchalantly walked over to the chair that accompanied his TARDIS controls. 'Most people would normally be quite shocked by now.' He busied himself of the controls, capping all manner of buttons and making all kinds of lights blink and flicker and flash. 'Go on dear boy, look.'

It was only after the prompt that Marcus actually took it all in. What looked like a particularly petite circus tent on the front was actually a buzzing cacophony of metal and tubes and flashing lights. There was the control panel of the Jester was working on with its metallic grey features and multicoloured buttons and lights. It sat next to the Jester special chair, a red velvet 1920s style dining chair with gold trim. Occupying the second floor, the floor compiled only of a metal railing were a set of eight brown mahogany doors with gold handles.

Marcus gasped, 'but… But it's'

'Yes I know.'

'But it was a tent on the outside.'

'Yes I know'

'And now it's… It's… What is this'

The Jester kept himself busy and did not look at Marcus as he answered. 'I told you' he said 'this is my TARDIS and I can travel through all of time and all of space, on a whim, just like that.'

'But the floors are turquoise.'

'What's wrong with my décor?

'There are hoops and giant balls and flaming bowling pins… On the walls!

'I would expect that I should be allowed to dress my TARDIS however I like' the Jester said with mock displeasure before returning back to his wide grin and clapping his hands wildly, 'sit' he said 'sit down, I told you we were going to go on an adventure but before we do we need to go over some ground rules.'

There were sat opposite each other in identical chairs. They were staring each other down like two rivals in a chess match, Marcus nearly couldn't win he had no idea where he was but if he was going to enter this new situation he wanted to make sure that the Jester knew he was not afraid. 'Jester's have rules?' Marcus asked.

'Not normally, normally there are parties and orgies drinking and who knows what in this TARDIS, Oh Marcus we have such fun! I impregnate loads of people and then go back in time so it never happened.'

Marcus stared at him wide-eyed. He had seen flying Magic juggling balls, a rock monster and a man who dressed like a retarded cartoon character, but orgies? He crossed himself again, 'is that really true?'

'The Jester tried to maintain a straight face but eventually gave in to the obvious bout of laughter that was registered upon his face. 'No, you idiot! You humans are so gullible that's why I'm a Time Lord and you're not' he chuckled still maintaining his grin. 'Actually, I'm a Time Lord because I've undergone hundreds of years of training at the Academy but that's beside the point.' He walked the top of the stairs, open the first of the eighth mahogany closets and pulled out a kettle, 'tea?' He asked

'Oh go on then.' Marcus knew that even in the TARDIS a Brit couldn't escape his love for tea. But when I was promised adventure, I didn't think it would involve sitting around, chatting about rules and acting like a Victorian British gentleman!'

'All right, all right' chuckled the Jester as he skipped his way back downstairs with two cups of tea, one of which he handed to the young man, he sat back down. 'As we've already discussed, I am the Jester, a Time Lord in their view seen I have the ability to travel through time and space, I know I've mentioned that three times, do try and keep up.'

'Right...' Marcus wasn't really quite sure of any of this but is it best to sound most intelligent the times when you feel most stupid, he had read that somewhere, he tried to remember but was only met with the dull headache that normally accompanied his attempts to remember anything beyond Mrs Gray and number 22.

'The thing is,' the Jester continued, now I'm using himself by throwing one of his juggling balls in the air and catching it with one hand. 'I've been looking for you.'

Marcus let his cheeks bulge as he tried desperately not to spit the tea out. 'Me? Why me?'

The Time Lord got up and slowly walked towards Marcus and placed one hand on his head. 'I think... I think you and I have the same problem, Marcus.

'Problem?' Marcus inched forward in his chair some more. 'I'm sorry, but I don't have any problems.'

'Dear Boy, you were nearly strangled to death by a rock monster and then you got pushed into a camp decorated big top with an oddly dressed stranger you don't know with the promise of adventure, if that another classify itself is a problem Marcus I don't know what does?'

'Well… Yeah… But'

'You're lucky I'm not talking about that' the Jester said grinning and chuckling in the exact same manner he had done almost constantly in the three hours they had known each other. 'There is, however the real problem.' His eyes narrowed and for the first time since the battle with the Gollum the Jester looked serious. 'When did you start to live with Mrs Gray?'

'I was four'

'And you remember anything of your life before that?'

Marcus tried to remember pieces before his adoption by Mrs Gray. He remembered the lonely, cold afternoon she spent with Mrs Gray was she tediously read him the Bible or a piece of classic British literature he cared very little for. He remembered the smacks across the back of the head for profanity or blasphemy that he had received, he remembered the one single toy car he received every birthday for six years and, although it made him blush just thinking about it he remembered his first kiss with Ashley Leeson, though it annoyed him that he could not remember the gender of this Ashley. Trying to venture beyond that however left Marcus with only the even set of tiny black holes and blurred colours of which he could not interpret.

'OUCH!' Marcus said clutching his head, as the veins began to bulge Marcus tried to lift up his head. 'Aren't you going to help me!' He said as the Jester just stood there in a pose of contemplation. 'You'll be fine' he said in a polite but firm way and after a few seconds, he was.

'What was that?' Marcus began scratching his head. 'That's twice now.'

'For some reason' the Time Lord mused as he began circling around Marcus, 'you, dear boy cannot remember anything beyond your fourth birthday.'

'But…' Marcus began 'that's never happened before, not ever.'

'No, you've just never tried have you?'

Marcus was ashamed. He had never been given any reason to try and remember his life before Mrs Gray, for he was concerned Mrs Gray was his life well, that was before she turned into a giant rock monster tried to kill him and in turn was killed by the Jester. The thought made him weep. 'I have no one now' he whispered softly.

'Wrong again!' The oddly dressed man waddled over to the control panel and picked up the book. 'You might say we're brothers, minus the genetic gap.'

'I'm not sure I quite follow.'

'It's like this' the Jester said turning the pages of the book. 'You have seen my drawings, those drawings are my memories because I, like you cannot remember anything beyond a certain point I'm not sure when that point is but I know I definitely can't remember anything before the year I turned two hundred.'

'You're over two hundred, bloody hell nothing is going to surprise me any more.'

'Oh, I doubt that' said the Jester rubbing his hands together. He was about to embark on another one of his phantasmagorical tirades when he noticed that Marcus had his hand up.

'Yes?'

'When we were outside with the monster you said something about wanting to find a certain man, what man?

'Oh him! The Jester said with a renewed sense of vigour, he skipped over to the console and began randomly tapping the coloured buttons until a picture appeared on the screen. It was a rather young looking man in a brown shirt and a tweed jacket with smart black trousers and even smarter black shoes topped off with a maroon bow-tie, sleek gelled back brown and the most piercing brown eyes Marcus had ever seen.'

''Who's that' Marcus said with the beaming admiration a child would give his hero, he'd never seen him before but the mere picture of him gave the impression of an almost superhero like quality that made Marcus feel in awe.

'That' the Jester leaned against the screen casually 'Is the Doctor.'

'Doctor?' You mean like he… Cures people?'

'Something like that yes. I've only heard tales from my travels the ones that I can remember anyway. The saviour of worlds apparently, he's like me too, a Time Lord.

For the first time since he could remember, Marcus was filled with a genuine sense of optimism. 'You mean he can help me learn about my family my… You know real family'

'I would imagine,' the Jester said eyeing the picture 'that is IF he is real and IF we can find him.'

'Do you have any idea where to start?'

'Yes… Well… No… Well… Maybe'

'I also goodness sake! Which is it?

The Jester sighed, 'the last time someone was reported to have seen him was in England in 1842, but that was over two months ago your time I have no idea where he is now.'

'Oh great'

'But' the white haired man said with a sense of anticipation 'I know someone who might.'

'Who?'

'Doctor River Song' he brought up her picture.

Marcus clicked his tongue 'lucky devil' he said to himself, he wouldn't admit it but he felt the tiniest twitch in his trousers.

'It's okay.' The Jester said grinning. 'That was my reaction first time too.' Marcus blushed red that the Time Lord continued, 'his wife so the records say, lucky man indeed.' He turned his attention back to the controls. 'Last seen in… Oh!'

What?… What!?

'Mars 2045'

Marcus grinned though his hands shook. 'Is this the adventure you have been talking about?'

'Oh my dear boy.' He pulled the big red lever in the tardis began to be materialised again. 'This is just the beginning.'


	3. Mars Casino Platform 11806 (Mars Part 1)

As the TARDIS re-materialised Marcus grew apprehensive. Having recently been refreshed by a shower and a new set of clothes given to him by the Jester he was feeling somewhat refreshed though, he was a little bit put out by the Jester's choice of attire.

'A green suit,'he said more to himself than anybody else, ' A lime green suit.'

'Oh Marcus, you look wonderful!' The Jester said in a tone that was usually reserved for mothers describing their daughters in their prom dresses. 'Couldn't have picked a better outfit myself.'

'You did pick it' said Marcus flatly, 'it's not like we're going to fit in'

'You'd be surprised.' The Jester winked at him as he pushed open the TARDIS door. Marcus had expected to see a barren, red world filled with rock, dust and sand dunes. He expected it to be almost empty save for red clouds of galactic space dirt and orange dusty mountains,. What he saw instead was a bustling casino city. Multitudes of coloured lights filled the air, the sound of money making that clinking sound it makes when it hits the bottom of jackpot machines rang in his ears, a mixture of human robot and females carrying drinks to guests sitting on lounge chairs and rich, alien businessmen pulling up in the nearby car park to be greeted by an army of robot butlers and valets.

'But...' Marcus began, 'this is meant to be the year 2045, there is no way we could have inhabited the planet in 30 odd years.' He thought he was sounding intelligent and looked sideways at the Jester for approval, the Jester merely sighed.

'You don't see many humans, do you?' He said.

'No' Marcus replied sceptically, 'only the girls.'

They were about to continue their train of thought when they were interrupted by the arrival of a robot greeting droid. It smiled mechanically lit smiles of green lights, it's big, round, red flickering eyes flashed synthetic welcomes at them.

'Hello' it chirped, 'welcome to Mars Casino platform 11806, I am Sylvia and I will be your maid for today.'

The Jester was about to offer his own greeting but in the excitement Marcus jumped in front of him and began to talk instead. Normally affronted by such displays of foolhardiness the Jester allowed him to speak with a wave of the hand.

'Hello' Marcus said slightly jumping up and down on his tiptoes. Up until this point he had barely left the village, he hadn't even been to London and now he and only he was the first human on Mars that was, at least to his knowledge. 'We are looking for a woman.'

'Careful now' the Jester whispered from behind him.

'There are currently 2976 women aboard on Mars Casino platform 11806.' Sylvia said without effort.

'That doesn't really narrow it down' Marcus grumbled in his chest.

'Narrow search parameters?' The robot maid enquired but before Marcus could line up another question, the Jester pushed past him lightly and eyed the robot quizzically. 'Hello Silvia!' He said in his normal chirpy, clown like a voice while gripping her hand and shaking it. 'I'm the Jester, a Time Lord.'

'Why did you tell her that?' The Jester's young companion hissed under his breath only to be met with an equally harsh whispered 'hush!' From the oddly dressed alien.'

Sylvia circuits flashed. There was a long pause as she attempted to compute the information given to her by the man who called himself a Time Lord, it took a few moments of clunking and whizzing and beeping before Sylvia finally said, 'our records indicate that only one Time Lord has passed through here since the origins of Mars Casino platform 11806, name 'The Jester' does not match.'

'Oh?' The Jester said with feigned ignorance, 'what was his name?'

More beeping. 'Records indicate the only Time Lord to pass through Mars Casino platform 11806 called himself 'The Doctor.'

Marcus and the Jester mentally high-fived themselves, though Marcus was still struggling to maintain his excitement and began to make slight giggling noises under his breath forcing the Jester to raise his hand again to silence him. 'Was he with anyone, is he here?' The Jester said in a rushed, slightly angrier voice than Marcus had heard him speak thus far, he assumed the Jester's desperation to regain his memories was just as strong as his own, still it wouldn't hurt to be a tiny bit more courteous.

'The Doctor left approximately 12.25 days ago. Reason for visit… Classified.'

'I knew it!' The Jester growled harshly as he kicked a pile of red sand in anger. It arranged itself into patterns that dazzled Marcus as the light reflected from the sand shifted from red, to green, to blue. Then again as Marcus well knew, he was easily pleased.

'No further questions.' The Jester sigh.

'Thank you and enjoy your stay… Visitors and residents of Mars Casino platform 11806 are reminded again under all circumstances to stay away from The Dig, have a pleasant day.'

As the robot toddled away Marcus timed at the Jester sleeve, speaking in whispered tones for despite the bright colours and the revelry he was somehow fearful of this world. 'The Dig?' He asked.

'Don't know' the white haired Time Lord shrugged. 'Last time I came here it was as you humans know it now. Red sand, discarded NASA equipment… More sand. Anyway!… I've got a feeling that we need to check this place out, The Dig whatever it is sounds pretty bloody interesting!

'But we don't even know where it is' Marcus counted.

'True' the Jester said, 'but it's nothing cruising around hundreds of bars won't fix. Drunk people tell you lots of interesting stuff… Mostly about the opposite sex or a particular member of the opposite sex, or a particular member of the same sex… Look, it's mostly about Romance but I'm sure we'll get lucky there's bound to be an interesting person around somewhere.'

Marcus couldn't really argue with that, after all he was the traveller, the hanger on. It's not as if he had friends back at the village either, while everyone else was out clubbing or partying he, partly by choice and partly out of fear of rejection was busy studying the stars. Still, he'd always wanted to try his hand at being one of the normal people and the Jester seem like a pretty fun guy to do it with.

'I don't think we're doing much working' Marcus told the Jester in a raised voice as they sat in a bright blue neon lit nightclub. Marcus coward at the noise but at the same time was incredibly interested in the type of creature that he witnessed. The largest majority, he observed were shimmering silver muscular creatures with one big eye adorning the top of their head, and veiny muscles that seemed to expand and contract whenever they experienced excitement, or a least what Marcus thought was excitement as it only seemed to occur when one of the creatures was dancing next to or touching another.

'What are they? Marcus asked but the Jester just sat there with his head down and looking at the table and twiddling with a straw. 'Hello?' Marcus called again forcing the Jester to look up at him this time. His eyes however were not the bright and confident eyes that he had on him a majority of the time. They were narrow they were serious and they were scared, he pointed at the door to a toilet and gestured Marcus to follow.

'What?' Marcus looked up at him with a great sense of concern 'You don't normally look like that, is something wrong?'

'Yes' the Time Lord said in a voice that lacked completely the bouncy and jolly qualities the Jester's voice possessed. This voice was deep and gruff and worried. He handed Marcus his compendium and pointed at the page he was currently on.

There on the page was a picture of the grey, one eyed veiny Cyclops monster that Marcus had witnessed on the dance floor. There was something different about the picture in the book however, while the Cyclops on the dance floor were big and bold and bulging the ones in the book were tiny almost baby versions of the ones that were dancing a few feet away from them.

'I don't quite get it.' said Marcus.

'I've seen these creatures before' said the Jester still speaking in the dark and rumbled tone he had when he given Marcus the book, 'but they weren't that big and they weren't on Mars.'

'Are you sure?'

'The book doesn't lie Marcus' he snapped worriedly then his facial expression changed almost instantly, softening as if to indicate an apology. 'I write things down in this book when I see them, when I last saw them they were tiny, childlike, I played with them.'

'Right,' said Marcus yet again failing to grasp the significance of one of the Jester's comments. It was at times like this he really felt stupid, though he dare not show it.

'They're called Kytraxians, they live on their mother planet called Olympire 1. It's a planet that feeds them almost in an automated fashion. Every time they interact with the planet, touch the grass, climb a tree, swim in the ocean they are fed nutrients by the planet almost automatically.

'So… They shouldn't be here?'

'Not just that they shouldn't be HERE' the Jester said with a hint of panic, they shouldn't be THIS, something has changed them.'

'Well… What do we do?'

'I don't know but one thing's for certain, we have to-' they were interrupted by a loud scream coming from outside, when the Jester and Marcus barged through the door they saw a human girl, scantily clad and of about 14 or 15 being beaten with some kind of electric whip by one of the Cyclops monsters they now dreaded.

'Stupid girl!' Roared the Kytraxian, 'I wanted a Martini! Stupid idiot human, I don't know why we haven't extinguished the last of your race, you do make good slaves though.' He laughed and almost everyone in the club laughed with him as the girl whimpered and coward under the pain of the whip.

'Last of-' Marcus breathed.

'Shush' said the Jester quietly.

The whipping continued and the girl continued to scream, but no one failed to notice the shiny golden cannonball flying directly towards the Cyclops eye. It hit with a thud and the monster flew backwards until he excused himself from the club.

The ball returned to the Jester's hand and be put it back in his pocket. 'Now we can't have that' he said in a tone that sounded more like a disgruntled teacher than a noble Time Lord. 'Look at her, she's only small' he helped her to her feet, 'why don't we stop the whipping and do some dancing instead eh?...eh?'

The offer wasn't taken up as the Kytraxian that was thrown out the door roared back in again this time armed. It was soon discovered, much to the Jester and Marcus distaste the other Cyclops were armed as well.

'Put your hands up' the Jester whispered to Marcus.

'What?'

'Just do it!'

They both did. One of the Cyclops, the creature dressed in fine golden robes and ruby shoes approached them. Marcus also noticed a police badge and felt the combination very odd.

'We've been watching you, odd man.' The police officer said. 'It looks like you couldn't keep your human on a leash either.' He laughed and so did everybody else, 'there's only one punishment for the assault of a Kytraxian on Mars… Take them to The Dig!" The crowd roared and dragged them out by their arms.

'Bugger' said the Jester.


	4. All Greek to Me (Mars Part 2)

Marcus grumbled, when he came to he realised he was in a dark, dank space. The area was made of stone with rusting iron metal bars keeping them from exiting. He sat himself up and gave a loud groan and began to prod the Jester with great emphasis.

'Hey, hey wake up!" Marcus said in a high whisper as he began to shake the Jester rigorously. 'This is all your fault do you here? Yours, not mine and yours! You better use your time whatever knowledge to get us out of here or so help me God!'

The Time Lord gave a loud groan and slowly began to set himself up, rubbing his eyes he stared up at Marcus with a blank face.

'Morning' he said with that same cheeky grin and chirpy voice he would use back on the TARDIS, this was met with a slap across the back of the head from Marcus. 'Ouch!' He yelped, 'what was that for?'

'Wear a suit you said, it will be fine you said. Why did you tell me to wear that blasted thing if you admitted yourself you didn't know what the world was going to be like? Marcus eyed him with intent, he tried to look fierce but it obviously didn't work because the Jester merely shrugged.

'I like suits' he said simply.

Marcus, exasperated put his head in his hands, the clear sign of distress must have alerted the Jester because he promptly jumped to his feet and with all the vim and vigour he most often had he began to tap his head furiously thinking of a plan.

'Right then! He began. We are trapped, yes? Iron bars, simple but effective. I don't seem to have regeneration energy balls with me so that presents a problem. He capped his head again furiously, 'Marcus dear boy, you don't happen to have any particular talents I have been hitherto unaware of, do?'

Marcus pondered this. It wasn't as if people paid attention to what he was interested in all good at back at the village, he only remembered his talents or rather interests in astronomy, art and... Marcus was sure there was another thing, something he was missing but when he tried to remember the memory was merely replaced with the odd black spots that is childhood memories had seemingly been replaced with, 'sorry no' he said hanging his humour head a little. He still didn't know why the Time Lord had chosen him, he imagined that if he chose a companion they would be handsome and versatile, intelligent and strong. Not like Marcus, not like the boy nobody wanted.

Are you a He was about to dwell on the problem further but he was interrupted by a Kytraxian guard opening the door to his cell. He appeared to be an older version of the ones Marcus had seen in the club, large and numerous battle scars decorated his back and chest and where as the others had adopted the futuristic guns that seemed to be commonplace on Mars in 2045, this Cyclops brandished simply a stone club.

'Get dressed' it grumbled throwing down some tattered grey trousers and a half torn T-shirt. They looked like they had been worn already but the two captives did not argue, simply did what they were told. The monster smiled, 'you're lucky' he said, 'get to work on the tool that's going to bring glory to the Kytraxians.' He led them out of the cell. Marcus turned to look at the Jester. He was smiling.

'What on earth have you got to be smiling about?' Marcus whispered, though in truth he had come to expect this kind of behaviour from his apparent senior though you wouldn't guess it by the way they acted. The Jester merely continued smiling and pointed upwards. When Marcus looked he was astounded by what he saw. There was a giant metal pillar, something clearly that was not meant to accompany such primitive surroundings. And part way through this pillar was a bright purple energy that almost forced Marcus to look away due to the brightness. Upon re-looking at the floor Marcus saw little baby Cyclops monsters identical to those in the book being placed into the beam and emerging as the veiny, ugly warrior creatures that seemed to be littered all over Mars.

They stopped in a line of grim looking, emaciated humans and the guard handed them a pick axe. 'You must dig' it said before simply turning around and walking away.

'Not a very imaginative name, is it?' the Jester quipped forcing Marcus to smile, upon seeing that he had brightened up his day a little the Jester winked at him. 'I have a plan' he whispered and pointed to a guard who was feeling his way around the wall. On closer inspection Marcus could see that he had no eye, he was completely blind.

'You're going to have to flirt with him.'

'What?'

'He is blind, isn't he?' He must have low self-esteem.'

'I don't think you can apply the same rules to Cyclops as you do to human teenagers' Marcus tried to remind him, though the announcement fell on deaf ears.

'I'll dig' said the Time Lord, 'you flirt.'

As the alien resumed digging, Marcus cleared his throat. Slowly stepping up to the Cyclops guard he began to speak. 'H-Hello' he said in his most feminine voice possible which, to his shock was actually quite feminine indeed. The guard stopped and turned around.

'Who's there? The monster grumbled sniffing the air above the Human's head.

'It's me.' Marcus fumbled around his brain for a name. He remembered from history class that Cyclops were monsters from the Greek myth and the similarities between the Kytraxian and actual Cyclops were too numerous. 'It's me... Aphrodite.'

'Oh.' the huge Kytraxian blushed. 'Haven't heard you around here before, you sound pretty… My name's Hyperion' he said with a bow.

'Such a manly name.' Marcus continued, 'and my oh my you have such muscles. Very strong indeed, I like men to be able to carry me over the threshold.' The Jester suppressed a giggle and began to consider that Marcus was very good at chatting up male gendered things, even if they were ugly Cyclops abominations.

'Hyperion' Marcus said softly, still in his feminine voice, 'I am so lonely, I'm new to The Dig and grow swiftly bored. Those humans you put to work earlier look like interesting playthings, I desire them.'

Without question Hyperion stomped over and untied Marcus and the Jester. Upon doing so the jester held out his hand, a large golden glow enveloped it and from another room his regeneration energy juggling balls returned swiftly to his palm. 'Basically…Run.'

They did. Ducking beneath the legs of Hyperion as the other alerted guards came stomping after them. The jester managed to send one of them tumbling into a wall by throwing one of his energy balls at its foot and tripping him up.

'You can't keep doing that forever!' Marcus yelped, running 'your life force!'

'I'll worry about me!' The Jester replied back, 'you worry about the fact that we're about to run head first into a stone wall!' He was right. within seconds they had to come to a screeching halt. A flat wall of stone prevented them from going any further. The pair heard the stomps of the Cyclops come around the corner.

'There they are!' Said one Kytraxian

'I'll grind their bones into salad dressing!' Said the other.

They both came charging down the corridor roaring and throwing saliva in all directions. Marcus and the Jester looked at each other, said there silent goodbyes and clenched their eyes shut.

It was then that a vision appeared before Marcus.

It was a vision of a marble palace, and then a vision of him, if slightly more muscular holding a bronze spear and a bronze shield dressed in golden armour with a red brush like ornament on the top of the helmet. In the vision, he thrusted forward with a spear and then his eyes shot open. The monsters looked scared, like lost puppies wanting a home. The Jester on the other hand had an expression of complete awe on his face.

'I… Didn't know you spoke Greek.' Fumbled the Jester. 'That's… That's good going that is, well done!' He clapped his hands vigorously, Marcus just looked confused.

'What?'

'The thing you just did with the thing… And the yelling… And the gods and the incantations, bloody hell Marcus! It's like you remember a past life or something.'

'Really?' Marcus said.

'Well… No, that unscientific nonsense simply won't do while I'm around, but whatever it was was really really cool. It looks like the Doctors got a case and a half on his hands when we find him.'

'Speaking of which' Marcus enquired suddenly being reminded of the entire point of the mission. Isn't the whole point of this trip to find his Mrs?'

'Good point' the Jester said, 'it seems likw a dead-end however, odd… It's unlike my TARDIS to lie.

'Lets keep loo-' before Marcus could finish his sentence. The aliens that had been previously disturbed by his odd, foreign outburst had regained their composure and picked the Time Lord and his companion up into their hands, squeezing them rather too tightly for comfort.

'So… You want to go see the human women do you?' Asked one.

'I think we should take them to her.' Said the other, 'she's all chained up and battered, but it'll be good company for our stowaways… Leave them to starve just like that wench. They laughed and dragged the two non-Kytraxian's to a cave on the outskirts of the main platform. It was exactly the same as the others with one exception. On the left-hand wall with her legs and arms both chained was a woman with blonde, frizzy hair dark skin and the most beautiful pair of grey eyes both men had seen.

'It's the woman from the picture!' Marcus said excitedly. They were both slammed the floor.

'Who are you? Said the woman in chains.

'No' the jester began, dusting himself off and getting to his feet. 'Not the right time to ask that question.' He smiled. 'Who are you?'

'Dr River Song, archaeologist… Not that any business of yours' she scoffed.

'How rude!' Marcus said, affronted.

The Jester laughed, 'quite feisty aren't we Dr Song? It's not yet time for questions unfortunately. All you need to know is that we need to help you… And you need to help us.

**Thanks to all who have been reading, I hope you are enjoying my story. You Guys Rock!**


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